completely unnecessary. (we've got the same heart?)

but it's the way that you talk,
and it's the way that you move...
gravity's one thing and gravity's something.

if i went to bed right this second, i'd have a solid six hours of sleep. obviously that's something that is not going to happen. yesterday i went to bed at 3:30pm and slept til i woke up for work this morning. that, on the other hand, was something that had to happen. i hadn't had one of those days in a long time, and it wasn't out of depression or boredom, it was because i was in complete and utter pain. (thank you temporomandibular disorder). i did not want to be awake for that. so that excess sleep caused my current insomnia. i read the first 265 pages of twilight today. and yes, i am just like every other girl, getting completely engulfed in the book and phenomenon itself. i'm not one in a million wanting, practically craving, their own personal edward cullen. as if the book and movie combination were not enough, robert pattinson's beautiful voice on the soundtrack does not get old. i could use an robert pattinson too you know. okay, now that that's out of my system...

i'm sitting here, picking the scab on my knee and fully knowing i will regret it in the morning, listening to apostle of hustle and occasionally glancing back at the muted tv. i'm restless. i'm completely unclear as to what i feel other than that. indifferent i guess. trying to decide my outfit for later. deciding what classes i should try to commit to this semester (then most likely drop by february). feeling like i'm getting a cold that i need like water in my lungs right now. thinking i have to clean my room, terribly. thinking, you should contact me any way possible but knowing that's not an option really and also aware that it is 4:10am. and you don't even know.

but i don't know anything for certain right now, except that every attempt i've made at trying to get over him since march has been a pathetic one. i'm still fucked. i'm still not over it. and being in his house on friday only validated that. it was not sunday night and monday morning. believe me, it wasn't. i also know for certain that my headache has been perpetual and i'd like it to go away and stay away.

and i know tomorrow i'm going to regret not sleeping and not being able to curl up in a ball in my bed all day. and that awful persisting thought, wishing i had someone to curl up with. it's NOT happening. and possibly for my own good? i seem to be the one with all the unnecessary neediness. maybe i should burn those needs, but even if i tried it'd be close to impossible to suddenly become someone else.

and i guess if we're being completely honest, or i am for that matter, i'm restricting. it's a step, the worst one to take... i'll be the first to admit. to add to being full of needs, i'm full of bad habits too. atleast my friends love me.

take it or leave it i guess.


and i wish someone would take it.