help, i'm alive.

did they tell you, you should grow up when you wanted to dream?
did they warn you, better shape up if you want to succeed?
i don't know about you, who are they talking to?
they aren't talking to me.

did i ask you for attention, when affection is what i need.
thinking sorrow is perfection, i'd wallow 'til you told me.
there's no glitter in the gutter,
there's no twilight galaxy.

so much has happened. things are still happening. most things i can't handle and it's stressing me out so much. i've had the same pain in my chest for over a week and not to mention that stomach ache i've had for over a month now. my hair is so dirty but i have no energy to wash it. i haven't been to school since last tuesday. i'm missing the most important days of dance because we're learning our routine for the show in may. i NEED may. i need a roadtrip with my best friends to see my boyfriend. i need warm weather. i need i need i need. i need him.

i can feel it in my bones, gimme sympathy.
after all this time is gone, who would you rather be?
the beatles or the rolling stones?
oh seriously, you're gonna make mistakes, you're young.
come on baby, play me something, like "here comes the sun".

edit 11pm.
i noticed my legs are too beat up to be a model. my arms too. not that i'd be a model. not that anyone would want me to be a model. just putting it out there. i broke down when i went to see jimmy for his birthday. he gave ME a 20 dollar bill. on HIS birthday. because i have no job and no money and i can barely put gas in my car. and i hate school. i don't know what to do. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. about anything. about myself, my sickness, florida and the constant thoughts that haunt me. i need someone to sit me down and tell me exactly what to do. just tell me what to do.

and it's "later" and i haven't gotten a phone call. it's past "later". no text either. no reply to my "i'm breaking down" text. real comforting. THANKS.

on a lighter note, new metric is beautiful. but that's expected. emily haines just started following me on twitter and that made me happy.

"i'm with stupid. money is a sick muse.
pull your little arrows out and let me live my life.
you said, 'look at me', i looked away.
and you wrote the song i wanna play,
i'll write you harmony in C."

today was a waste.