pretend it's alright, and stay in for the night.

they've got me on the outside looking in, but i can't see at all. with the weight of the world on my shoulders, they just wanna see me fall. have faith in me. i said i'd never let you go, and i never did. i said i'd never let you fall and i always meant it. if you didn't have this chance then i never did. you'll always find me right there, again.

yesterday i was in the hospital. there were complications with an endoscopy i got on monday. i ended up being hooked up to an IV with pain killers and what not. i got an x-ray and a ct scan. it showed a cyst on my ovary and a benign spot on my liver. plus whatever the endoscopy did to my esophagus. this is NOT what i needed. i didn't need this on top of everything else i'm feeling... on top of my boyfriend leaving the state, on top of feeling so incredibly small and unimportant. it sucks. i can't catch a break. i don't ever feel well. i was saying to my mom that i'm twenty years old and should be feeling good, i should be having a good time. i'm not. i'm always sick. never happy.

on top of things, this is MY spring break and it's pretty horrible. i'm sick, i just got out of the hospital, vinnie's gone. and i know for sure he can't even fathom how hard all of this is for me. fuck me, right?

when we stop my hands will shake, my eyes will burn, my throat will ache, watching you turn from me towards your friends.