no lies, just love.

i don't always get the way you feel,
but now i've learned to live with that...
it's like i'm a part of something real.
and the sun sets the scene,
while the rain misses me.
all the time i'll be growing, growing up beside you.

i just got home from spending two weeks with vinnie in florida. leaving is so hard. coming home is just as hard, it feels so weird to be here after being gone for so long. i feel like it was a dramatic two weeks, not even so much between vinnie and i. i didn't realize there could be so much drama in a house full of boys. vinnie and i talked about a lot, and it felt good, and every day i just feel like our relationship is stronger and stronger, no matter what i say. it's usually out of anger. the distance is tough. other than seeing him, the other good thing that came out of it was a self esteem boost. i feel so much better than a lot of people i know. i feel like i'm ready to start my adult life now. i wanna work and go to school and save up and start a real life with him. i'm sick of other people interfering with OUR relationship. there's nothing i've been more sure about than vinnie, and us. i came home ready to get my shit together.

it was so much better to be picked up by my mom at the airport rather than a limo driver. it was nice coming home to my house, dark from the shades, penny and i lounging around and sleeping for hours. i got to see my friends tonight, kaitlin and i went to amanda and kim's new house. it's so cute and furnished so appropriately. i'm envious. i love them all.

i realized i'm not home a lot...i spent two weeks in florida, before that i was babysitting for four days. i start that up again on monday. being gone for days at a time is weird. i need to be a stronger babysitter. i need to not lose my temper and say mean things to my cousins. even with that coming up, i feel like the next few days are somewhat relaxing. i see anielle tomorrow, i'm going to the beach with my mom on saturday. i should see my dad before i go back to nannying. i should upload florida pictures.

i'm just gonna get in bed and fall asleep in my own bed for the first time in two weeks.

the new paolo nutini is so good too.

"i turn to you and inhale you where you lay. took a wander through the garden, to await the long long day, and then roll for a while on a violet flowerbed. oh you kiss my lips again and again and again. and then again, again.

we would watch the sun coming up easy, while the rain came tumbling down, and it washed our bodies so cleanly that we could see them rise up off of the cold cold ground.

it was in love i was created, and in love is how i hope i die."