vinnie will be here in about 14 hours. i'm so excited but at the same time i feel really embarrassed and ashamed of myself because my body is really disgusting me. i feel like he's really beautiful and really in shape and fit and i'm falling out of shape. but i don't know why, i don't know what's going on with my body. it's really killing me, my self esteem is shot to shit, especially at work where the girls are pretty and thin and dressed nice. i have no image. i hate my body. i wish i had the will power to fast again, but sadly i don't. fuck. i'm almost positive it's due to stomach issues. i'm going to the doctor tomorrow and he better fucking fix me for once. things were perfect in may/june/july. i actually liked the way i looked. that is so rare. i'd give anything to have that feeling back because my happiness is riding on it.
so on top of the doctor tomorrow, i have to:
- clean out my car.
- walk penny.
- fitness class @ 1:30-4:20.
- stop at the mall.
- english class @ 6:00-9:00
- SEE VINNIE<3.
FIX ME.
FIX IT
fixit.
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