a list of things to do.

this won't be the last you'll hear from me: it's just the start. i hope that she keeps you up for weeks like you did to me. i will hold a candle up to you to singe your skin. brace yourself: i am bent with bitterness we can't forsee. when your apologies fail to ring true, so slick with that sarcastic slew of phrases like "i thought you knew," while keeping me in hot pursuit.

1. register for school.

(change my major, yet again.)

2. apply for another job.

(this may suck.)

3. save my money.

(spice isle 2009.)

4. stop hitting on younger boys.

(i am not mrs. robinson.)

5. pick an audition song.

(and actually bust my ass.)

6. buy my purse from pacsun.

(with shannon's discount?)

7. stop eating.

(on a roll.)

8. get my jaw/wisdom teeth taken care of.

(get the fuck out of my mouth.)

9. go to boston for a weekend.

(i hope you guys can come.)

10. stop obsessing.

(will that ever stop?)

11. use my gym membership before it runs out.

(i fucking hate that shit.)

12. run the high school track a few times a week.

(WITHOUT megan.)

13. beach.

(enough said.)

14. fucking do laundry.

(i have nothing ever.)

15. buy a dresser!

(this should be like, number one.)

16. leave the shit in the past.

(haha!)

17. forget it.

(never.)

18. warped tour.

(i love my brother.)

19. watch him play.

(who?)

20. start over.

(start over.)

no one reads this anyway.

i can be as vague, or as detailed as i want. i have no shame and no pride. i am not proud. i need to go up to school and register. ryan inspired me to move to boston next year this time so i can go to a real school. fuck you all, i hate everything but not the usual kind of hate. more like everything hurts all over and i attribute it to my friends, lovers, past friends and past lovers. and my insanity of course. what's my solution? take something.

if he fucked another girl, i think i'd become even more wreckless than i already am.

i wonder what it's like to care about yourself?