one day i'll be gone. i won't be here to lie to myself like i did back then. one day i'll be gone. i won't be here to tell you the truth. and to tell you the truth, i knew it then.
i knew i needed more than you or anyone could ever give.
it's november, and some of the thoughts running through my head have slowed to a steady walk. were did autumn go? but more importantly, when did it arrive? what happened to the falling leaves, why were they so abruptly replaced by lonely snow? what happened to my health? but good health has been missing for quite awhile now. when did the smiles on my face turn to angry looks, both placed there by the same person. i thought this time i did something right, and i refuse to be wrong again. YOU'RE wrong, you're naive... but so lovely. your fingers were laced through mine, your voice was in my ear, your hair in my hands. but you're waiting for the heartache of her harm. she's got a list of moves to make, and you're number one. you're the one person i know who has less of a handle on things than i did.
you've got to get out of your head, like i finally got out of his car.
where is the girl with the problem? i do not know, do not want to know. it's been over a week since we loathed the city but loved ourselves, as a pair. you're split right down the middle, and you fake it for me. and you do it so well. staying sober, listening to my music. it's not so bad until i call you out. every ounce of anger spilled out of my mouth like vomit because i'd been holding it in for so damn long.
last night i had a dream it was winter and he still wanted me so bad. it was me who was turning away, who was telling him no. i was walking miles and speeding up to avoid him. but smiling cause he wanted me, and smiling cause i was finally sure i made him feel the way he made me feel about six months ago. in real life though i still think about him in my bed at night. but reclining in his passenger seat a week ago and hearing everything he had to say just reassures me nothing will ever come of us ever again. his hands on my hips during my favorite song... his breath on my neck during the setlist change... his hand pulling me through the crowded room..
no, nothing will ever bring us back. not even that.
i'm pulling out. i've got to get out of here. i've got so many bills to pay that i feel like i'll never have saved money. there's nothing here for me. i keep saying that but i'm just too poor to make a change. i'm doing this with or without her, probably without.
i'm too indifferent to even continue writing.
i knew i needed more than you or anyone could ever give.
it's november, and some of the thoughts running through my head have slowed to a steady walk. were did autumn go? but more importantly, when did it arrive? what happened to the falling leaves, why were they so abruptly replaced by lonely snow? what happened to my health? but good health has been missing for quite awhile now. when did the smiles on my face turn to angry looks, both placed there by the same person. i thought this time i did something right, and i refuse to be wrong again. YOU'RE wrong, you're naive... but so lovely. your fingers were laced through mine, your voice was in my ear, your hair in my hands. but you're waiting for the heartache of her harm. she's got a list of moves to make, and you're number one. you're the one person i know who has less of a handle on things than i did.
you've got to get out of your head, like i finally got out of his car.
where is the girl with the problem? i do not know, do not want to know. it's been over a week since we loathed the city but loved ourselves, as a pair. you're split right down the middle, and you fake it for me. and you do it so well. staying sober, listening to my music. it's not so bad until i call you out. every ounce of anger spilled out of my mouth like vomit because i'd been holding it in for so damn long.
last night i had a dream it was winter and he still wanted me so bad. it was me who was turning away, who was telling him no. i was walking miles and speeding up to avoid him. but smiling cause he wanted me, and smiling cause i was finally sure i made him feel the way he made me feel about six months ago. in real life though i still think about him in my bed at night. but reclining in his passenger seat a week ago and hearing everything he had to say just reassures me nothing will ever come of us ever again. his hands on my hips during my favorite song... his breath on my neck during the setlist change... his hand pulling me through the crowded room..
no, nothing will ever bring us back. not even that.
i'm pulling out. i've got to get out of here. i've got so many bills to pay that i feel like i'll never have saved money. there's nothing here for me. i keep saying that but i'm just too poor to make a change. i'm doing this with or without her, probably without.
i'm too indifferent to even continue writing.
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