submission for my writing class.

all rights reserved.

3/3/2009

my hair has never been this dry.

i am doll parts. knotty hair like the doll you don't care about anymore, tucked somewhere under your bed. green doll eyes that you envy because yours are just brown. old doll nails cause the polish is starting to chip. doll arms with bruises and scars, where'd i get those anyway? doll parts, and a doll heart. always giving, but never beating. i just wanna lay in your bed like i used to, close to your head cause i was your baby doll. clean clothes and lavish hair, i was envied by the rest of them. i'd look at them down there, toiling with their odds and ends. they never made it up to the bed like i did. but now i'm shoved under there with the rest of them, dusty and out of date. before you said goodbye, i tried to tell you, "you forgot to brush my hair! you forgot to change my clothes! you forgot to tie my shoes!" but you just carried me away. i never learned how to do those things because you always did them for me. i was the baby doll remember? it's different under the bed. there are missing parts and there are springs and shoelaces and underwear you probably don't remember losing. your old roller skates sit against what used to be my box of clothes. my box, with my clothes inside it. i don't want the roller skates messing it up! i know you'll be back, maybe this is temporary. i found an old comb and tried to pull it down my hair. i tried mimicking your movements but it didn't feel as nice. you were always so gentle, i guess cause i was a baby. the other dolls laughed at my when i tried to find my other shoe. i guess it flew off when you were sticking me under there. i told you it needed to be tied! i hide because i don't want them to see me. they don't know me. they never got to the bed. sure, we played with them sometimes... (remember when we played with them that time with your neighbor? i think she liked them more than we did.) but now theyre propped against another box. they look tired and worn, more like rag dolls now. well at least i won't look like that, cause you're coming back!


it got colder under the bed at night. it gets kind of scary too. no matter how wide i open my eyes it's still so hard to see. i found an old sock i could lay with but it's not enough. it's not the same. it doesnt smell like you or even your pillow. no one's holding me now. it's almost like i forgot how to sleep. i'll try one eye at a time... but that doesnt work. i'll try imagining the bed... the white pillowcases and the pink flowers embroidered so nice on the edges... the matching pink sheets with the fluffy white comforter... the sparkly lights on the headboard. i'll try imagining the room... pale walls with all your shiney medels and all your school projects. those were my favorites. i loved our room and i loved when mom came in to kiss us both goodnight. these were all the things i thought of, but all these things made me sad. i miss you. but i'm just doll parts, with a doll heart. always giving, never beating. (but i'm going to try to make it beat for you, beat hard for you.) i know you're coming back.